Random Burblings
Sep. 24th, 2002 05:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
haggisI don't get much chance to post these days as I spend the little time I have online catching up with my friends posts. But I keep having little musings that want to be posts if they have time. I have 25 min before the bus comes. I'll see how far I get.
Recently I've been using LJ to read other people's comments and reply to them. It's made me aware of my 'net-personality' which is subtly different from me in real life.
I find I'm much more tactful on LJ than in real life. I consider what I say more carefully and try to avoid offending people. Partly this is because I talk faster than I type and I check more before I post. I don't tend to think much before I speak. Also, posts are generally a few hours or days old. I don't feel the urgency to put my two-pennorth in that I do when I talk to people.
I guess I'm not sure how people will take what I say, so I'm more cautious. I prefer to have the visual and vocal clues to someone's opinions so I can tell how to make my point - more clearly if they disagree or more humourously if they agree.
I find the same thing on talkers, although there I get more feedback. I don't want to put my foot in it, so I'm careful with what I say. I know there's a history of friendships/fallings out among some people that I don't know about and this makes me wary. Also, most of the people I know on talkers have been friends of Daz for longer than they've known me. I don't joke-flirt as much as I do in real life, in case they misunderstand.
All this makes me sound like I'm trying too hard to make people like me, which sounds fairly pathetic. I don't do it deliberately. The offline me can be tactless and hurtful to her friends. I don't want that to happen here, as the friendships I have found are very important to me.
I noticed myself acting strangely in real life a few weeks back. An old friend of my mums, who lives near Reading, helped me to find my house in Reading and generally looked after me for a few days. I used to spend a lot of time in her house, with her children, but she moved away and I haven't seen much of her since I was 15.
The odd thing was she said it was hard to remember I was 22 and treat me like a grown-up because I was so like I was at 15, compared to some other friends of the same age. She said I still seemed to have an innocence about me as when I was 15 (which I took as a compliment) and the same skin (which I didn't) and still giggled like a 15yr old (which is true).
When I was with her, I could feel myself reverting to being a 'good' girl - being polite, trying to be helpful, not making rude jokes, being a good guest the way mum taught me. This was partly because I knew she was phoning my mum to let her know how things were going and I didn't want any embarrassing stories going back. But I would have behaved in the same way any way because I still revert back to parent-child roles with my parents and people I associate with them.
I get on well with my parents. In fact, I've never really rebelled against them, most of my growing up and away was done when I wasn't around them. I still want to please them and make them proud of me, although I'm coming to realise that is a pressure I am putting on myself, not a pressure from them. I've chosen things they would not have chosen and I'm happy with those decisions. I just wonder if I will eventually break out of always being a child around them.
Recently I've been using LJ to read other people's comments and reply to them. It's made me aware of my 'net-personality' which is subtly different from me in real life.
I find I'm much more tactful on LJ than in real life. I consider what I say more carefully and try to avoid offending people. Partly this is because I talk faster than I type and I check more before I post. I don't tend to think much before I speak. Also, posts are generally a few hours or days old. I don't feel the urgency to put my two-pennorth in that I do when I talk to people.
I guess I'm not sure how people will take what I say, so I'm more cautious. I prefer to have the visual and vocal clues to someone's opinions so I can tell how to make my point - more clearly if they disagree or more humourously if they agree.
I find the same thing on talkers, although there I get more feedback. I don't want to put my foot in it, so I'm careful with what I say. I know there's a history of friendships/fallings out among some people that I don't know about and this makes me wary. Also, most of the people I know on talkers have been friends of Daz for longer than they've known me. I don't joke-flirt as much as I do in real life, in case they misunderstand.
All this makes me sound like I'm trying too hard to make people like me, which sounds fairly pathetic. I don't do it deliberately. The offline me can be tactless and hurtful to her friends. I don't want that to happen here, as the friendships I have found are very important to me.
I noticed myself acting strangely in real life a few weeks back. An old friend of my mums, who lives near Reading, helped me to find my house in Reading and generally looked after me for a few days. I used to spend a lot of time in her house, with her children, but she moved away and I haven't seen much of her since I was 15.
The odd thing was she said it was hard to remember I was 22 and treat me like a grown-up because I was so like I was at 15, compared to some other friends of the same age. She said I still seemed to have an innocence about me as when I was 15 (which I took as a compliment) and the same skin (which I didn't) and still giggled like a 15yr old (which is true).
When I was with her, I could feel myself reverting to being a 'good' girl - being polite, trying to be helpful, not making rude jokes, being a good guest the way mum taught me. This was partly because I knew she was phoning my mum to let her know how things were going and I didn't want any embarrassing stories going back. But I would have behaved in the same way any way because I still revert back to parent-child roles with my parents and people I associate with them.
I get on well with my parents. In fact, I've never really rebelled against them, most of my growing up and away was done when I wasn't around them. I still want to please them and make them proud of me, although I'm coming to realise that is a pressure I am putting on myself, not a pressure from them. I've chosen things they would not have chosen and I'm happy with those decisions. I just wonder if I will eventually break out of always being a child around them.
