2 days to go....
Aug. 30th, 2002 06:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
haggisEek. In 2 days I -
move to Reading
start my first proper job
meet my currently unknown flatmates
start looking for friends in a totally new city. Which I visited for the first time on Monday. Which two weeks ago, I couldn't have placed on a map. ("Somewhere down south" is about as far as I would have got.)
I'm a bit scared. I'm already feeling a bit homesick for Manchester. I'm definitely feeling a bit Dillo-less. After two years living in each other's pockets, I'm going to miss him so much. I will be luring him down to my big double bed as often as possible ;).
I'm scared about work. I found my year in Industry so difficult, it really shook my confidence. I went into Foster Wheeler on Tuesday which helped a bit. There are a lot of people my age around and they seemed friendly. But I'm still worried that I will feel as out of my depth as I did at Akcros.
I need to remind myself why I'm doing this.
Four years ago, I left home and my friends to move to a strange city, where I had been about twice, to go to university. It was scary. I was worried about everything. New life, new friends, looking after myself, getting mugged or beaten up in the big scary city.
Guess what? It was fantastic! I had a great time, made some great friends and my confidence soared. I jumped and survived. My first year was the best year of my life. [topped off by meeting a very sweet person that Easter ;)]
The last two years have been difficult. I've struggled to do my job and coursework. I didn't give up but it was a hard slog. My confidence suffered and I retreated a bit. More things began to seem scary and out of reach. The idea of moving away and having to find new friends terrified me. Daz's love and encouragement got me through that time. I would come home to him and hug him and tell him all my problems and he made feel I could go on. Without him there, would I have survived?
There were lots of reasons for me to stay in Manchester. I have friends here (despite a recent exodus of people - mainly people who started at the same time as me). I know the city and I like it. It was a safe and comfortable place to be. That's why I had to leave. To stay would be cowardice. To stay would be to accept that I'm too afraid to start a new life. Or that I can't live without Daz. So whether I'm happy or miserable, I have to take the chance.
move to Reading
start my first proper job
meet my currently unknown flatmates
start looking for friends in a totally new city. Which I visited for the first time on Monday. Which two weeks ago, I couldn't have placed on a map. ("Somewhere down south" is about as far as I would have got.)
I'm a bit scared. I'm already feeling a bit homesick for Manchester. I'm definitely feeling a bit Dillo-less. After two years living in each other's pockets, I'm going to miss him so much. I will be luring him down to my big double bed as often as possible ;).
I'm scared about work. I found my year in Industry so difficult, it really shook my confidence. I went into Foster Wheeler on Tuesday which helped a bit. There are a lot of people my age around and they seemed friendly. But I'm still worried that I will feel as out of my depth as I did at Akcros.
I need to remind myself why I'm doing this.
Four years ago, I left home and my friends to move to a strange city, where I had been about twice, to go to university. It was scary. I was worried about everything. New life, new friends, looking after myself, getting mugged or beaten up in the big scary city.
Guess what? It was fantastic! I had a great time, made some great friends and my confidence soared. I jumped and survived. My first year was the best year of my life. [topped off by meeting a very sweet person that Easter ;)]
The last two years have been difficult. I've struggled to do my job and coursework. I didn't give up but it was a hard slog. My confidence suffered and I retreated a bit. More things began to seem scary and out of reach. The idea of moving away and having to find new friends terrified me. Daz's love and encouragement got me through that time. I would come home to him and hug him and tell him all my problems and he made feel I could go on. Without him there, would I have survived?
There were lots of reasons for me to stay in Manchester. I have friends here (despite a recent exodus of people - mainly people who started at the same time as me). I know the city and I like it. It was a safe and comfortable place to be. That's why I had to leave. To stay would be cowardice. To stay would be to accept that I'm too afraid to start a new life. Or that I can't live without Daz. So whether I'm happy or miserable, I have to take the chance.