Haggis' current mental state *shrug*

[haggis]

I keep meaning to post and never having time so I will type this quick in the 15 min before I have to go to a meeting :(.

What do I want to say? I could rant about how crappy life is (my dad working himself into a heartattack, my mum's stressing over my brother who wants to drop out and repeat a year at uni, bf is ill and me generally feeling sick of uni/work/life with no motivation) but I'm actually feeling a bit happier now so I won't.

I just feel the need to get away from everything and relax. I spend a lot of time reading and playing puter games atm, but that doesn't relax me, it just blanks the world out for a few hours and then I feel even more guilty cos I'm wasting time. Also I did some work, which made me happy cos I was starting to feel like self-motivation was beyond me.

The idea of getting a job has been terrifying me. I guess a lot of it is that I hate the whole process, all the crap that you got to spout and the crap they tell you. But I'm also worry that I'll hate it. I struggled last year and got through it by telling myself it was only a year but this is going to be the next 40 years. I dunno, it wasn't specific bits of the job I disliked, it was stuff I'll face whatever I do.

But now I'm starting to feel a little happier about it. My first year at uni was fantastic and part of that was that I jumped into an entirely new world and survived. I guess it's time for me to do that again.

One worry is whether to stay around here or move somewhere else. The appeal of the new is tempting but it would mean leaving the bf behind. I don't want to do that, but I don't want to miss an opportunity and regret it. And at this point, it's a question of what job I can get. Bf and I discussed this before (he offered to break up with me so I could go where-ever I wanted which was sweet but not what I wanted ;) ) but I'm still confused. I know he hates me saying this but being with him is the best thing in my life.