Post BiCon Thoughts (Cross-posted to FB)

[haggis]

This was a lovely, chilled, relaxing, introspective BiCon for me. After posting before BiCon about feeling insecure about shoes/performing feminity in a way that's unusual for me, I ended up wearing skirts a lot and uncomfortable but pretty boots for only a short time :). The conversations that post sparked resonated through BiCon for me.

A big theme was internalised biphobia and the way that manifests as feeling 'not queer enough', especially for people who are in relationships that might be externally perceived as 'straight'. I got into a discussion about the term 'heteronormative on Twitter just before BiCon and a bi woman described her life as heteronormative because she was an invisible bisexual. I argued quite stridently that this was *blaming* invisible/erased bisexuals for having been erased/made invisible by a biphobic culture.

My argument felt strident because I struggle to convince myself of this, especially when I acknowledge that being invisible is quite useful while working in a conservative industry. However, this feeling of being 'not queer enough' and needing to constantly prove your 'queer credentials' seems to run really deep in the bi community. It's particularly notable among activists, who you would expect to have the best resources to combat this sort of insidious biphobia.

Another big theme of my BiCon which relates to the previous two is the huge relief that simply talking about this stuff can bring. The Biphobia Consciousness Raising workshop was a good example of this. We each talked for 5 minutes without interruption about how biphobia had affected us. We didn't try to fix each other's problems or try to change our minds. It was such a relief to be able to speak and be truly heard and to hear people expressing the same feelings. The Bi Carers workshop worked in a similar way. Somethings are not fixable but being listened to makes them more bearable.

Finally and most navel-gazey - just before the Ball, I got upset for a number of different reasons. I found myself very quickly turning "I want XYZ and I can't have it and this makes me feel bad" into "I am a bad persons for wanting XYZ". That always makes me feel much more shitty but there is something seductive about it - it gives the illusion that this is something I can control by changing myself. I am noting this because I would like to unlearn this pattern.

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Wow, this is all very heavy! I mixed this stuff up at BiCon with the silly and fun Giant Pass The Parcel, a very inspiring workshop on Blackout Poetry and lots of relaxing chatting/hugging/flirting with lovely people.

Comments

[weegoddess.livejournal.com]

So glad that you had a (mostly) lovely time!

I found myself very quickly turning "I want XYZ and I can't have it and this makes me feel bad" into "I am a bad persons for wanting XYZ". That always makes me feel much more shitty but there is something seductive about it - it gives the illusion that this is something I can control by changing myself. I am noting this because I would like to unlearn this pattern.

Excellent insight! And identifying the issue is the first step in eradicating it, yes?

[mezbg.livejournal.com]

"However, this feeling of being 'not queer enough' and needing to constantly prove your 'queer credentials' seems to run really deep in the bi community. It's particularly notable among activists, who you would expect to have the best resources to combat this sort of insidious biphobia."

Just a thought: could it be that activism is a way of sublimating one's own difficulties with issues?