Zoe the Astronaut (4/365)

 

We called the baby "the astronaut" all the way through pregnancy.  The most prosaic reason was that was because we wanted to keep the name and (assigned) gender private until birth.  It developed into a whole story on Twitter, with me as the Mothership and Daz as Mission Control. However, I liked the astronaut metaphor for deeper reasons. 

Before IVF embryo transfer (or IUI insemination), there are lots of scans and medication and doctors reviewing charts but afterwards, you get sent home to wait for two weeks. During that time, it's not possible for anyone outside to know what is happening. It reminded me of the scenes in Apollo 13 and Hidden Figures, where Mission Control wait to hear from their astronauts, not knowing if they are alive or dead. I found myself talking to the embryo (and the egg, in previous IUIs), telling it to find a safe place to land and grow. 

When the embryo lands, it starts "terraforming" the endometrium to suit itself. It expands and adapts the ship it came in and requests the supplies it needs from its host-planet.  The host planet provides those supplies and adapts to the astronaut's presence but there is always a slight friction because what the astronaut wants/needs and what is good for the host-planet. Their goals are not quite the same. 

I liked this metaphor much better than the classical idea of a mother as a passive vessel, infinitely nurturing with no needs or desires of her own, meeting her baby's needs easily and instinctively. I am determined to do everything I can to help Zoe thrive and develop but it's going to be a human process, a negotiation between imperfect creatures with different viewpoints and desires.

Finally, now that Zoe is here, we have a playmat with planets and stars and a book called Baby Astronaut. I want her to grow up to explore the world and travel as far as she wants to go.