Feb. 10th, 2017

haggis: (Celtic)
I have been listening to an 'advice column' podcast called Dear Sugar (by the two people who previously wrote the Dear Sugar advice column at The Rumpus). It is similar in tone to Captain Awkward (who I adore) and I always find it interesting, even when I don't agree.

The latest ep I started listening to was about a woman who was devastated after her boyfriend broke up with her to explore his interest in dating men. He doesn't yet know whether he is straight, bi or gay or some other sexual orientation.

The letter was a really clear demonstration that Biphobia Hurts Straight, Lesbian And Gay People Too. The woman was wrestling with her pain over the break up, worsened by the belief that if he was attracted to men, he must have been less attracted to her or attracted to her emotionally but not sexually. The authors of Dear Sugar are both straight but they have been very LGBT-inclusive and they bring in guests to discuss issues that are outside their experience. I was really hopeful that this could be a good ep and even wondering if they got a Real Live Bi Person to discuss it.

No. They invited Dan Savage.

Dan Savage who has past form for repeatedly warning gay and lesbian people away from dating bi people. The now 'reformed' Dan Savage who says he will champion bisexuals ... once enough of us come out, while failing to acknowledge his own complicity in making LG(bt) spaces viciously biphobic and then wondering why we don't show up there.

I haven't listened to the episode yet. I will do so and I really hope that Dan can give helpful advice rather than spout his trademark glib, damaging biphobia because this bullshit hurts bi people and it hurts our partners, exes and future partners.

Once I've listened, I will be emailing them to ask them to include bi voices in future. The myth that you can only be *really* attracted to one gender is insidiously damaging - hurting anyone who has ever experienced attraction to more than one gender (which is a much bigger group than people who ID as bi) AND their partners AND trans, nonbinary or genderfluid people whose gender changes over their lifetime. Bisexual people are perfectly placed to challenge this myth and our voices should be heard.

http://www.newnownext.com/snails-oysters-dan-savage-is-b…/…/

http://blogs.bluebec.com/dan-savage-is-still-biphobic/

https://the-orbit.net/godlessness/2014/04/24/bisexualitys-supposed-ease-another-letter-to-dan-savage/

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